I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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