Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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