I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
being pregnant is like rehab
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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