HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize