I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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