So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
