He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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