...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
