I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
