The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
