I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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