Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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