I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So many bounce houses so little time
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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