I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Randomize
