Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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