we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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