she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Is Oprah even human
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
