Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There's always time for handjobs
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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