he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
