Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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