based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize