respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
