you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
