I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
