My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
