"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
