when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
