just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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