The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
