So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
