I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
