I'd wear matching sweaters with you
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
