I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
