Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize