why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
