i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
