Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
where does the pee come out of this thing
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
