I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
