Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
There are leaves in my underwear?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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