Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
