he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
