I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize