im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
