it wasn't lemon gatorade
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize