you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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