so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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