She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
