that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
