i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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