I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
