So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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