ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
