Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just had sex on a roof
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
