Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
