so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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