New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
