I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
His nipple licking is glorious
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