wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
