wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There r osticjed everywhere
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
