I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
