i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
