you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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