I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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