The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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