i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize