Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
