her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
