we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
