remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
