remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
