The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
