A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
