Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
